Evolutionary Plume

Getting Back to Blogging About Writing

Since I moved to Florida, my blogs have been somewhat in disuse and now that I am back working on fiction, I figure I can do some more blogging. I often get asked what it is I do since no one really believes that anyone just sits and writes day in and day out. It's true I don't. Often I know what I want to write but the right words aren't there for me so I play games while I think, then write when the words are there. Many times I make a rough start, run out of words, play games until they come back, edit, play games until I know how to fix the piece, etc.

When I am problem solving I need to detach my brain from thinking about anything but the problem. Often I think about the problem without thinking about the problem by playing a game. It's a trick I learned while programming. I often would run into a difficulty, but if I just went to the bathroom, halfway there, the answer would come to me. Your back brain computes on problems like "what was the name of that guy we ate dinner with last week?" Things that you can't google. Instead your brain looks for all the hidden references and eventually comes up with the connection. I don't learn any more, either.  I just learn where it is that has the information I need. Often in storing the connections I reach understanding about how the pieces fit together and so I remember it all in that fashion.

So in the past week, what I have been working on is planning mostly since I completed a large amount of work and needed to clarify what I thought I was working on and why and for whom.

I've been working on the last edits to my second novel. I had it edited during my move and I found that the editor introduced more errors into my novel than she fixed. Her premise was that it would work better as a young adult novel. Unfortunately, I wrote it as a novel about a community and for a slightly older audience even though I wanted it acceptable to young adults with permissive parents. Any one character didn't ever know what everyone was doing. The editor suggested deletion of important technology and setting. She did ask for a chronological story and the best I could do was two side by side chronologies, both going forward always from the beginning to the end. I did one whack at a fix and then my husband did a proofread and found a few typo'sthroughout here and there. The biggest change, though, that my husband found, was inconsistencies in my story dates and five chapters were out of order due to a number of reasons. How the story dates are presented has been an ongoing problem. I had them explicit, then made them implicit to work on an easier more flowing story, then made them explicit as a video collection, changed them to a news feed but both read more complicated so I am back to theoriginal explicit style and am finding the story reads without needing to look at the dates at all. Success, I guess.

I'm also working on short stories related to this second novel which may fit a number of calls for content so I've built a schedule for the rest of the month/year for that. These I've had to look for the research I did before and think about what the plot will be and how they should be built or revised. And did the research on some of the items. 

I have four separate novels in work at the moment, and one short story collection outlined and another collection being built. One novel is a follow on to the first novel I wrote so I am writing short stories in that story line, especially with the hopes it will get published. One is a children's book that is made up of stories so I have 3 or 4 short stories in rough stages from that book and an outline I am following and an outer storyline begun. The other two started from the idea that I was going to build a trilogy and so I have been writing short stories for that, partly to copyright the characters and some of the technology. And as I take classes, instructors often ask for a certain type of scene or have an objective for writing. I try to fit those in with my the novels by having a topic list and an outline and a set of research materials for everything I am working on. Often these become a short story as I flesh them out. And because I am applying for an MFA program, I needed sample material that I assumed would be from what I planned to write so I built some of the work for those. 

So my plan is to get the second novel out circulating to agents, publishers, and contests. And the short stories written to my schedule.

I also have three nonfiction books in work. My target was to just work the golf book this month but the wedding set me back two weeks. Oh, and do one sonnet a day since I am working on a collection of sonnets. I'm up to 8-10 and I need 20-25 but have another four in work at the moment and two I want to submit. I am also working on cleaning up my chapbooks as a potential book, and on two additional chapbooks, one on sffh poems, one on a reflective set of poems, one on teen trauma poems.

I've also worked on a number of articles behind the scenes. Typically, any time we travel, I get photos of where we stayed, where we went, and visit places that are on my target list for research. So my visit to Boston for my cousin's wedding produced much of that. I have an assignment at Yahoo on China articles and have researched quite a few topics that I find interesting but they don't happen to be the news of the moment--just interesting knowledge about the country in a variety of formats that need more facts to be ready. I also have worked some on taking some of my coursework at UCF and looked at altering them to be a article, doing some of the preliminary research. Plus I just started in at UCLA Extension on a class on writing articles for print publications--so I've been through Writer's Market looking at agents, conferences, and article types, read the 8+ chapters assigned for both weeks and looked through my available photographs. I have probably a dozen article in work, I just need time to flesh them out.

I also started painting my house. It is a color I don't really care for and is quite depressing to me. I like flowers and we're currently more like hedge. So we had the colors  approved and I washed one side and began painting. My husband says we should hire it out and I think we may hire some of the work done. But I go crazy if I am forced to sit for endless hours and do nothing but write. So this is my outside work I get to do that isn't immobile. I want the house painted before I start a Masters degree because once I start I won't have time to do it. And I want some of this work that's been idling while I've been busy with classes at UCF to get completed so that I just package and submit until it gets accepted.

 

Changes Make You Feel Oppressed or Free

I love some of the new opportunities I have, but I wish they were easier to transition to, when I have other obligations. Then, as a student, life changes at breaks, midterms, semesters ... it is hard to stay on track with what I want to accomplish when there's so much I am responsible for ... maybe some of it I have to let go, other things need planning to keep them directed ... I always keep it all and perhaps I can't or perhaps I'm not supposed to.

Some examples of what I mean:

1) my writing quarter finishes before my school semester so to keep going I have to choose which course and sign up and pay for it

2) registration for summer begins so I needed to decide on summer quarter and for fall quarter--I'm thinking writing courses and biology this summer and a political science course if I couldand for fall, writing and Chinese history and Chinese IR and either the Forensic Science intro or continuation of biology. I know that many would like me to just get the Master's degree done with so I can move forward, but I have found that UCF, for one, is very much happier to see me start with undergraduate level courses to gauge my knowledge and it might very much help my ability to get letters of recommendation.

3) we need to plan our summer vacations since we get to do some exploring of geology near Niagara Falls and probably into Canada. I don't know much about the east coast of the US--I've been to Boston twice, driven up the coast to Maine, visited Martha's Vineyard and went to New Hampshire to visit Bob's parents once and my sister in Virginia, and to a bit of the Appalachian mountains--but that's about it. 

4) I need to schedule my doctor appointment

5) RCIA finishes in May--this three hours every Sunday w/church plus some additional events and my duties to encourage Bob plus hopefully a baptism party to plan, but meanwhile we have weekly social life events we're beginning to develop--Wed we get to see Wicked and Sat we're on to help the boy scouts with birding

6) its not enough to write articles on China ... I want to look for specific information in specific areas that match my outline

7) I'm still finishing up on three areas where I collected information and have stacked all over my house--snow & ice, moon, international space organizations ... new study areas don't just add on at the drop of a hat. I'd love to see the paper get stored instead of on every surface around. By fall quarter I hope to be into the swing of things so that the new classes fit into it well.

8) I'm hoping to fit in the much delayed redevelopment of my web page in over spring break--I've found myself going back and forth over Yahoo basic tools and using MS Expression which is pretty abstruse--nothing is explained in the order I want it to occur--give me a page, let me color and decorate it by default, let me put a message on it, let me establish the links to connect it elsewhere, let me keyword it. I think the intent is if they make it difficult enough you have to hire someone to do the work. I want to hire someone to do the work that requires additional knowledge

 9) I'd like to attend writing conference(s) before fall sememster starts--I've identified a few that work better since I didn't finish up in time for the PNWA this year.

10) Taking classes has delayed my ability to write ... the more settled I feel with very little changes once a semester starts, the easier and less stressful it is to fit in the time for writing.

11) March 15 all the National Poetry contests are due ... I've written two, and hope to do a few more.

12) People shouldn't worry so much about me with games ... they do take time ... but, I do need wind down time, they are a good answer. Doing something mindless helps me transition from one task to another and it also makes it easier to deal with the tedium of other tasks.

13) We need to visit Bob's mom soon. I haven't talked with anyone in the family recently.

14) I'd love to have the time to get my hair cut.

Weak Progress But Better Than Its Been

Managed to get 300+ words on a short story, not connected to anything and four thank you letters, a cover letter drafted and two and a half articles. Warm up I guess. I have a list about 30 articles long to write, and another list about 10 items long to do before school starts. I have my school books. The reading for the writing class is done and some of the cultural anthropology. Three of the ten items relate to research for the work I want to do. Two items may take a lifetime -- one is getting rid of the paper, another is doing the web page. Another is the last changes to my second novel. And I'd like to fit in the trip to visit Bob's mom, my haircut and a doctor visit scheduled. One is taxes, ick.

The good news for me this week was I managed to get a fairly concrete outline for the new trilogy. I've been writing stories on the first of the trilogies and have deadlines associated with the stories, so that is good. Most of the research is done for the earliest ones. I suspect it is June before I start tackling the atomic stuff because of the current class load. Meanwhile, Bob has scheduled the rest of the years trips and put budget against it. We'll be home most of the year, strange idea.

Maybe I will discover where my data chips have walked to along with my GRE reservation number needed to get my scores for use in applications.

Plugging along with articles and the horrors

Yesterday wrote three articles and did research on others and followed up on poetry. Today, working on two travel articles and wrote chapter 1 of 26 chapters on my nonfiction book--more time to work yet.

Discovered all of my file folders were mixed--multiple topics per folder instead of the way I had it arranged. I guess I should believe that maybe the boxes dumped while being moved. So I need to do an entire day of refiling (the horror, the horror).

Also discovered my carefully saved GRE score confirmation number had disappeared out of the house.

Other odd things, utilities that switch on and try to back up my data (I guess that's a new feature), I wish they would ask if we wanted the world butting into our affairs.

Got my Christmas cards designed and 70 printed, Bob did the first cut of addressing them and wrote the newsletter as usual, other than a horrific year for me, it didn't have much except some delights from visitors.

Next Story Ran into a Knowledge Gap

So got most of the data compiled into a notes sheet and split into articles but I felt that not knowing about hydrothermal systems left me missing a key clue to what I'm working on in my story. Also the politics of all four groups represented by the characters is not concrete enough to form the back bone of the story. So having spent two weeks working on that, it leaves me searching for the answer to spit out in three hours for my deadline. I guess I am too honest to be a "real" writer.

 

Why Work on My Space Opera is So Slow

Well, despite the fact that I am gung ho on the new trilogy, maintenance as a writer is required. I owe articles out once a week, try to keep active with friends on Facebook and some poetry groups and am still dragging along on my last novel. I'm also pushing on getting stories out to publishers so that the world begins to see me as a novelist instead of just a poet. I have at least three story collections topics that I have been working on for some time, so all of these could go that route too.

My husband is a sweetie and is analyzing my last reorganization of my novel where I followed the suggestions of the editor I hired. We both think that there is simply far too much estrogen in the story when we cut the view of the men who survived and so now I have to take one more cut and put it all back with maybe some additional work since I made many of the scenes tighter. The good news is that I had the story down to about 85,000 words I think, so it gives me a little more leeway. He's also identified some missing dates and thinks my idea about the historical view works, unlike the editor. The editor was a poor choice--she introduced many errors into my novel, her suggestions haven't worked out well, and her suggestions about what to cut were bad but I understood why she made them--they weren't connected enough, so I chose to connect them. 

Also, I want to produce my teen dinosaur book as the book that I try to sell first. I have quite a few stories written, the outline developed and have at least 15,000 words on it and it may grow into four books, depending on the proper length to make them. I'm shooting for a first draft by year end and maybe a contest entry in the new year for it and my second novel, again.

Re: including the men:

Everyone says, well, if the reader knows your premise "that there is only one fertile woman left alive" is false, why bother? The answer is that the society doesn't know when making their decisions. And, even in knowing there are other survivors, the same equations work and also, having the expanded view makes us look more at the larger world of our society. It's like saying "if this is true, then x, but if this is also true, still x, and if this is also true, still x?" and the answer has to be, yes. That's the real truth behind viable populations. You need more than one breeding pair for the species to survive.

And finally, I am still supposed to get my web site redeveloped. The good news is that most of my "I'm going this way" which is every way, is narrowing down to technology, young adult, travel and adventure, science and so my new design will look much cleaner.

Writing My New Space Opera Trilogy

I'm moving out of my comfort zone in writing my new space opera trilogy and into outer space. The time span covers eons and has an alien protagonist. I've begun to hear her voice again. I started writing bits of it after my return from my first Earthwatch trip to Belize where we participated on an archaeology project. The work on the project was tedious but taught basic skills in laying out gridwork, protecting and uncovering artifacts and buildings, working in a challenging environment--the team had to move trantulas bigger than my hand out of our work area. They had a brilliant orange body and hairy black legs. The tendency was to want to scoop them up with a shovel and toss, but we were told that they had found out that doing so killed the tarantulas, so they were moved with care. The first time we saw the Mayan city it was covered with so much vegetation you couldn't tell that anything was there. The trees covered by vines grew thirty feet tall or more. The leader hired two Mayan locals to cut it all down. It took them at least one day and they were paid $5 per day to hack it all off with machetes. In the process they ran into a pit viper--we were shown the body and then told the emergency treatment in case of bite--basically a shot of antivenom every hour while you were helicoptered out to the closest hospital and then it would be touch and go from there. More on this topic when I get my pictures scanned.

Mostly what I have been working on is the near future pieces and educating myself in a number of topic areas:

The politics for space development and related security issues-- finished reading 

"Chinese Space Policy a Study in Domestic and International Politics" by Roger Handburg and Zhen Li

"Who Owns the Moon" by Virgiliu Pop

"The Politics of Space Security" by James Clay Moltz

and "Return to The Moon" by Harrison H. Schmitt

Studies of Moon Geology

I've read about fifty documents including one eight chapters long from the Apollo era. I should have a story and some articles out on this topic. But I got sidetracked into knowing the history of spacecraft so am spending one or two days on that. I think I only have two-five stories set on the moon, one on Mars, one on an asteroid, one on Jupiter, one on Uranus for sure.

As I get ideas I add them to three documents one called my outline where I sketch out all the major organizations and characters, one called my synopsis where I lay out story, scene ideas, what characters are involved, the time and location and number of words, and a third document that lays out each character, their conflict, resolution and urgency. These help me from getting lost or forgetting important ideas.

Development of Underdeveloped Nations -- finished reading

"Africa's Stalled Development" by David K. Leonard and Scott Straus

in progress on "Industrial Society in Communist China" by Barry Richman

Part of the reason for reading these materials is to envision not only the changes in society, but what the culture of space humans that spread throughout the galaxy need to survive. I'm writing short stories in the series that help explain various societal problems, many of the power players, some of the technology. Meanwhile I've identified at least two ways humans will evolve and the result problems. One of the first of these stories is Layers of Permeability

Also, I'm doing much studying of astronomy to help understand who my aliens are and how they survive. I've had to start back at the atomic level and am just beginning to visualize what is going on with quantum physics and what some of the topic areas I need to delve into to understand what is going on--these things will affect how my aliens eat and travel--two of the main processes that life forms exhibit. I woke this morning thinking that I knew what the Higgs particle looked like but then after I thought about it some I realized what questions I had to research before I knew for sure i.e. dreams without data have not foundation in reality.

My favorite astronomy book at the moment is an encyclopedia called "The Universal Book of Astronomy" by David Darling because it is providing me a structure of topics in which to delve into further.

Research Compilation

I've had three research areas that I have been delving into and am compiling the notes and references and sorting it out into potential articles, additional research tasks and using the information to help drive several stories. So I'm a little slow to react. Just processed about 50 articles and several books. The good news for me is that it is nearing a conclusion. One of the projects has been on my desk for three or four years, another for a year. I find that boiling the key points I care about helps me focus on what I want to say.

Why Silence is Needed

When writing, there's always the critic that says  "did you say what I want you to say in the way that I want you to say it when I want you to say it" that is very destructive. These you have to turn off.

I have things I want to say, places I want to go, things I want to experience.

I've had a group of people that bite at me continually with the refrain "if you don't listen to what we say, you will get nowhere". This is despite the fact that most of my work has gone through several critiques both in person and online and via an editor and I have made all the changes suggested. So why am I not now there, in critique?

I've grown up. I want to check that I said what I meant to say in my internal filter first. And of course the complexities of moving across the country hasn't helped. When I need it, I will ask for it.

When people don't accept you as a grown up, they do things like nag, interrupt repeatedly asking for attention, criticize, and don't respect your space, time, or need for exercise, for clean up, for quiet.

Deadlines--excitement and reward

I'm working hard, with the help of my dear husband, to get two stories out to meet two deadlines. Funny thing about the past four years, I have learned that the reward is in completing the work, not any result past that point. When I complete these two, I get two swim and clean my house, oh, hurray, hurray.

Next week, we have relatives visiting in Tampa and a visit to my mother-in-law and maybe the chance to see "Hair Spray" so my deadline for the following week will have to be worked sooner.

 

Stories and Spinning

Sometimes the words to the story are right on the edge of my tongue, other times I feel like I write a word and hour, testing how to get out a thought. So it has been going. I wish I thought this story is as good as the other I worked on. Tonight I edit that one, putting in the changes Bob recommended. We will see if I like the result. The one for today is now cursed with wordiness, but maybe not so boring. It will be hacked at tomorrow.

Fatigue and Guilt and Thank Yous

Sometimes I get so tied up in the guilt over what people want me to do -- the articles, the reviews, the books read, that I feel weighed down and exhausted.

Bob is running away tomorrow to go birdwatching without me while I work stories. That means tonight I work on guilt, lol.

Sometimes I think people don't think I appreciate what they do for me. Some of it has been so pssst, psst, secret, secret that maybe they deserve their hurt feelings, if they exist. I always try to be open and to thank people--with donations, with time, with friendship, etc. But this is a really trying time for me. I have to release everything and I care too much about what it is, how it appears, how it is received. Maybe when I am older and more jaded I will laugh.

Tightening and Fleshing Out Stories and Other Marketing Problems for an Author

Editing for me is very tense. Every paragraph is checked endlessly. I'm working three stories. One is a revision of a completed story to make it into a time travel / alternate universe story. This means that I've needed to figure out how to explain the time travel portion and put the main character's awareness of the change to his life in terms of historical props and news items. I've had to identify where the changes go, lay out time lines, and find historical and science facts to support it.

I've also taken the time to do the reading on time travel and a lot of the science that explains why it might work enough to know some of the parameters--mostly how E=MC*C is tested but then I realized I had to know more about the energy parts of the equation and more about quantum mechanics in order to write the article and book reviews.

The good thing about this research is I have 2-3 more stories where this research will stand me in good stead and have worked on the plotting issues involved in them.

The second story was well outlined and except for the end, is in pretty good shape. The verbs were rather over used and inactive and I have a lot of weasel words to remove. Plus, when I wrote it, I knew the "three or more" technological changes that would be showcased, but I hadn't done the indepth research. As I found the articles, I found more lifestyle issues that had to be found, and several NASA and other articles dealing with the same topic. This one is almost ready to go to Bob for an edit. I want to complete this one tonight. It's probably still flawed as a story entirely based on a scientific principle ... I may have to push the story a bit further in that area.

Both the second and third stories were originally envisioned as part of my trilogy but it may be that they will go into a simpler one novel book or just exist stand alone for awhile. For this reason, the third story has the story part complete but the technology / science works but I'm not sure that it is exactly what I want it to be. I need to do a whole lot more materials science investigation before I'm sure and meanwhile there are easier stories for me to complete, especially one where I have all the research spread over my office table waiting for the moment when I can go back to it. Mostly I've worked on the transitions between the scenes and further development of the overall metaphor for the story.

I also looked into some of the hoped for "buy" markets where I will send these stories for a read.

Meanwhile, Bob and I have been discussing agents, publishers, synopses, blurbs, credentials and maybe one more small revision of my second novel before I send it out. I was told the most likely audience for it would be young adult. I'm not sure I'm happy with that decision. The outer view of what the men are doing helps to balance out the story and make it less feminist, while adding more tension. We are also due in Houston on Oct. 8, so after I get the three stories out I want to do, I need to work the web page. 

I held off on the article writing because it seems to take on its own life and purpose so much so that I lose track of what I am doing and why I am doing all of this. I'll fit in articles when I get back to knowing what I'm working on--reading 40000+ words and knowing where I am going. I am trying to work for too many masters that want something different than what I want. I want my trilogy and other stories.

Also, we've taken some timid moves into finding more "community" in our lives. My mom plans to come for a visit and I need to plan that too. Bob is cheered by the idea that I might clean this "dump" of paper up. Meanwhile, I can barely see because my glasses are so awful. 

Tired--The Long Journey

I am tired to the bone. It's been a long journey. I have decided that if I have to jump off the edge of the ocean, it being flat and all, I mean, that's how all the unscientific minded think, that I will put the lessons that I've learned in the last years to proper use. 

We leave tomorrow a.m. for my conference in Cinncinnati.

Impatient and More Work than I Realized

I'm impatient to get back on the internet and to take care of business, now that I'm on the last changes on my second novel. I eliminated 10,000 words, and am likely to do some swapping of words yet. Got all the chapters built. I'm ready to do one more pass, print, look it over, and then hand it off to Bob. Boosted my heroine's backbone in the process. I'm pleased with the changes.

Undisturbed Time for Edit

I'm awake with a stomach ache so I thought I'd describe my latest two days of work. By having peace and quiet for a few days, I was able to spot the problem with the middle of my novel--there's a missing piece of logic that connects all the major lines of conflict to their points of resolution. The main drivers of global warming, viability of the housing situation, the strange occurrences need to be part of my heroine's understanding of what her role in life entails. So ... I have to build that in. It involves rearrangement of quite a few of the scenes, plus some emotional arc work. More frustration but it should intensify the drive to the end. Anyway while I was sitting and staring at the walls and swimming and not writing, I actually built the modification plan that will guide me through the changes. I have an additional two scnes to write that I hadn't expected. So busy busy.

Down to the last three little changes

I made terrific progress yesterday, finally completing the week's worth of work on one problem chapter in my explorer's scenes -- reducing them from 8000 words down to 4000, merging the information content, reordering the scenes, and rereading a thousand times. Then went on through the next 6 chapters. I'm on chapter 27 of the new chapter list which is 14 from the old one. Luckily, most of the revisions in the next stuff have already been made. It just takes time because I end up rereading each chapter twice, once for mistakes, cuts and transition problems and once as a spell check, then putting in the time information. Still need to do the pages, that shouldn't take more than a couple hours.

Meanwhile, we returned from my visit with my in-laws. My father-in-law had a feeding tube put in and is finally adjusting to it a little but the prognosis is 6 weeks at best. My mother-in-law is understandably upset.

The uhm, good news about throwing a cup of ice tea on my PC is that they think they can fix it, I finally broke down and bought some tech stuff I can review and I may be ready tech wise for Tanzania. Now to just complete the doctors orders and then go for the antimalarial meds.

Editing My Adventurer

The editor recommended that I delete some of the outer story scenes until after the characters show up, so I am adding the information content from those scenes to my adventurer's scenes so there's a lot of copy, edit, revise, rewrite going on in this next change I am dealing with. Its pushing the science a little more without being info-dumping. Doing this also improves the tension level because there's always the question, who is doing this? When will the characters come together. About 20000 words are affected. It's the last of the major changes I have to work. I made it through the first 23 chapters and got the new chapter layout finished with chapters at 2000 words approx. and breaking on a day change. There are a couple chapters that exceed that limit that I may slash.

What I am cutting is mostly conjunctions and overcomplicated ways of saying items, travel, too much explanation, character physicalities where they don't matter -- all the stuff that slows the reading down.

Also managed to reinstate the modern story leading to past events being told and then the main character reacting in the modern story leading to the next backstory items. This also serves to increase tension, but helps with the understanding that this character is being groomed and is growing from the experience. Only had to move two or three chapters and rewrite the transitions.

I've got the first 12 chapters dates and locales put in also--I'm at 30 some chapters this way--the last chapter breaks were at 5000 words and for changing POV. The new chapters have consistent POV but there are usually 2, sometimes 3 chapters from that POV before moving to the next character.

Stress and Shell Shock and Thinking

 Both Bob and I woke up from nightmares in the night, Bob all worried because we had sold our home, had nowhere to put the furniture and the new house hadn't closed. Amusing. Sort of. Sometimes I just sit and stare, thankful for no noise, no duty, no worry. We're both rather exhausted. Thank heaven we didn't do this five years later when Bob was seventy. Meanwhile, the holiday arrangements arose and passed around. We got my astronomic maps up today and I got to look at galaxies on Galaxy Zoo. Not what I was supposed to do, but what I said I would do. Meanwhile, Nanowrimo, ugh, ran into the end of my short stories planned which meant side research on other stuff, or deal with the aliens. And with alien world-building you have to go back to the start, why are they where they are, how do they live, what customs do they have, where did they come from, and on and on. Requires thought. It is nice to throw words at a page, but nicer yet to think. Meanwhile got my overview, some of the methods, some of the reviews written and the books read. Finished up "symmetry and the beautiful universe", Our Cosmic Origins, Almond Blossoms and others, and Chinese Space Policy A Study in Domestic and International Policy. I have to resist writing what I think is desired in the proposal versus what I actually do and put that instead. I guess it shows how much I often act the translator and the hidden. Miss my Moon Brother.

Improved state but still a frustrating day

Had lunch with my mom, OJ, and Mary at the food court. That was good. Then tried to get to writing but I couldn't find certain files, not good. So I packed 7 more boxes, that was good. Found the story I was looking for hallelujah! Found the research on several others stories, that was good. But finally took on the disks--I still had 5 1/4 disks with data, threw a whole pile away after transferring them to my computer and only required one CD to store it all, awesome. But tiring. And no writing done. Still, sooner or later you have to pay for all your learning mistakes and put the stuff where it belongs. No reading and no swimming-frustrating. Still, Bob was upbeat about the neighborhoods he'd seen and I recieved pictures of several that looked really good, so now its about finding out about pools and seeing the actual homes in person. It's beginning to look possible.

Doing archaeology on my work

Problem with working on the road is I often use notebooks. If I don't have time to polish something, good materials sits waiting for my return. Then, there's the stuff that calls out to me, come do me, come clean me up. Sigh. Then I need find it. Oh, and I need to clean up my backup disks and see which are real. Purpose of all this is to clean up, of course, thank heaven Bob isn't watching my mess making in our pristine emptiness. Meanwhile I was up to nearly 4am finding it all. Progress, however unfinished is good. Need to do book reviews soon.

Had a good day yesterday, article reading, swimming late, promotion of articles (still backlog on these to do), forward progress on my Fortune Cookie book I'm reading. Plus laundry, packing 5 boxes full, feeding the hummingbirds, dishes.

So far uncovered quite a few articles to finish but still looking for my Peru writing.  Meanwhile, fell into storyland and finding Bob's favorite Kyung Wha Chang recording of the Mendelssohn / Bruch Violin Concerto impossible to resist and fine mood music.

Today I get to see OJ and Mom for lunch, should be fun.

Strange Case of the Flip-Flops

I don't like to wear them. They show up in my closet. I hide from them. They keep sneaking out and biting off the tips of my toes, but leave my toenails to grow long. Now why is that? Are they so certain I can't use them in self defense? Are toenails no longer survival equipment? Apparently, flip-flops are dangerous to your health--too many carcinogens and flukes. The flukes are definitely the worst. Don't do them, run, run for your life! The monk may be chasing behind you.

Okay, enough free flowing nonsense for the day, and just when I had a news item, too.

I guess it truly is story time.

Plugging through Novel Edits

My novel edits are going pretty well, working through the minor changes and coming up with the solutions to the structural. I am pretty miserable with a cold. Slurpee time, I think, now.

My Stand on Abortion

I always choose life. What makes it strong.

Without a law allowing abortion, women end up trying to do surgery on themselves in the worst possible way. If our society doesn't help prevent the need for abortion, then the law needs to stand.

I wouldn't want to have an abortion, yet, physically, I ended up with one despite my choice. Endometriosis made it difficult to participate in society without using birth control pills as medication, and later to have surgery. I could have lived with endometriosis, bleeding all month long, month after month until someone tracked me down in my bed and fathered a child on me, but I saw I had no life this way. I chose life, but many religious organizations would condemn taking the birth control pills, having the surgery, not enduring the medical problem without treatment, and on and on. Our society is not sophisticated enough to provide women with endometriosis a solution.

Many women become pregnant without wanting to. It would be ideal if women could choose to get pregnant when they wanted and could raise the child. We have not reached this level of chemical sophistication. It would be ideal if every woman who became pregnant had a committed and loving father to help raise the child. We have not reached this level of societal sophistication.

When people try to change the abortion laws, they are working at the wrong problem, way too late. They are not working to end illness. They are not working to teach children morality. They are not working to improve the lives of unwed mothers. They are not making the fathers pay the same societal cost as a mother for unwed parenthood. In short, they are talking loudly about a law that aids life without providing adequate support for making the law go away.

People that work at solving the problems of society without judging the people who have to decide their best hopes for life with limited choice  whatever the case are the people that attract me.

I have written stories about women and men faced with some of these issues because they educate about the complexity of parenthood, about the emotional costs of bad relationships.

So where does that place me politically? I don't care. Label me as you will. I seek intelligent solutions to societies problems in my stories as my life now. Many may reject them. I don't care, I am well amused with my books.

I Always Choose the Same

All my life I have walked through society as if it were a cloud, occasionally finding someone who I want to get wet with because they don't constrain me to their rules and regulations. I can accept all points of view because I think some people need to tinsist on their point of view to get along in life. They believe if they yell loud enough they win. I don't care about winning. I care about humanity and the truths I discover along the way.

So when I went down the road and met someone that turned away but left a beacon, I thought cool, fine. I went on my way and ran into a complex piece of machinery, like a robot of sorts. At the top, the brain said "I don't like it, the beacon says this is right, so I'll take it and bury it". Not wanting to be buried before I lived my life, I stepped hundred steps back and said how do I avoid this. But the machine's parts kept dropping before my face and offering a hand, which I will always shake, even if it carries the dagger to my back. I never choose this machine, it is a permanent road block to me. Once someone has carried a knife to my back, they are unacceptable.

If you can't accept the part with the dagger,how can you accept the machine? I simply have to go around even if it takes me the rest of my life.

So my path needs to go within, taking my beacon along, pushing aside the restrictions that I was taught to believe.

The Nothing To It Tasks of Moving

So, we've managed to paint seven rooms and touch up the edging in all. Bob replaced two sinks and all the toilet seats. We've sold several big items that aren't dear, in fact, few are dear, just needed. I have one garden bed cleaned up and two more up front to finish, the carpets to clean, the bathroom floors to clean, the kitchen cabinets to touch up. The back porch and siding is cleaned except for two areas. My office is cleared except for one stack and a bunch of books boxed. Donations have gone to the good will and library. We both paid bills. Hmm, what else?

We decided to take a tour of gas stations today, with two flat tires. Mind numb, its hard to remember everything. Had my mother over to share interests, she learned a bit about what I am doing.

Star Trek and Paint

Well, managed to finish off the kitchen wall, dining room, hallway and bathroom by rolling the walls, still need to touch up some. My bathroom is almost ready to be closed up for non-use showing. That was yesterday. Today, painted the edges of three of the livingroom walls and the entry and did laundry and packed up eight boxes of books and took them downstairs. Only dumped 1/4 can of paint once and took a tumble off the step ladder so I expect bruises. Tomorrow I hope to finish up the edges in the bedroom and the back bathroom and get it cleaned up. Then I'll be ready for the cedar chips and taking on all of the gardens. Bob has the weed and feed going, the holes in the walls filled and so many miscellaneous tasks like putting the closet doors back on its hard to keep track of them all. He's got the ads in on a bunch of big items we need sold via Craigslist so that's progress. We think we may list the house next week, we'll discuss it with the real estate agent. The cute lady that bought Bob's old PC said, you're painting all the bright colors aren't you? And we said, no, we were told neutral and boy are we boringly neutral -- ballerina white walls with devonshire cream trim -- white with a hint of brown, with white with a hint of hmm, blue maybe? A good match. When Bob removed the medicine cabinet the old wall color matched the new one. I guess we did a good job finding contractor white.

So exhausted, we played hooky and saw the new Star Trek movie. I wish they didn't always make them play like nostalgic homecoming dances. Still, it had great action and the new cast looked and sounded remarkably like the old cast. And Leonard Nimoy is sure looking old and wise. Fun. The sushi place was good, Bob was pleased and I had a meal and a snack with something out of the ordinary.

Plus, had a nice chat with my mom who came by for a visit and with my sister who I managed to connect with since she was  painting my mom's house as a Mother's Day present.

Six Month Slump Ends with My Next Novel in Work

I've got my second novel into editing at the moment and plan to get the first one edited later in the year. Meanwhile, after all my planning I decided to get going writing on a follow-on novel to the first I wrote. It's been dwelling in my head and I've written two stories on it so now I've got more of an idea how to proceed. I took the timeline from the first, grabbed a block of the over all history and am now laying down the words. Today wrote 600, just one scene after getting the time line set. so I'm at about 10000 words, not bad. It's the characters that are fun. I have four good guys and two bad guys so far. And, of course, life is tough for them all. I eventually want another in the series, with only minor overlap in characters. The timeline is the big part of how they connect. They share a set of events in a world history. The third one requires Chinese history just like my third unconnected novel, so this allows me to read the 3000+ pages of material a bit slower without getting stuck not writing.

I did need to get a book because I decided who my hero was and his identity required a profession I didn't know much about. The funny thing was I saw the perfect book six months ago for it at the UW bookstore and stupidly didn't buy it. Today, I went looking on Amazon.com, Powell's and on Barnes and Noble, no luck. So Bob very courteously drove me to the UW Bookstore. It was gone. Imagine that, lol. So the staff helped us look for the book and eventually found the name and that is was available at Amazon. But I bought two other books at the UW Bookstore instead and came home and ordered the other. I guess, this was happy birthday to me day.

Grief at the End of the Book

I didn't know how lost and empty one could feel. Three years is a long time to spend with characters, worrying their fate, plotting their growth, finding their home. And then I read "Replay" by Ken Grimwood and Pamela has her failure with her "do gooder" movie and suddenly I'm sharing her same grief. I know there's more to be done there but I can't bear to visit them. 

I don't know if my needs are being met, to be alone and hear the wind whistle through the doors as the waves crash or if I'm in trouble for some many times imagined things I've said.

Happy pills, or Lexapro, delays the rage and heartache from reaching to my hands. It blossoms and stops. I sit like a zombie, letting it echo and depart. The anxiety killed makes me forget what I need to do. I am walking the sands and seeing sparkles and shadow and interplay of color.

I don't know why suddenly I am supposed to have changed. My puppeteer emotions took a blast that scared me so I am in one land now, Bob is enforcing a mandatory 6 months off with limited success. I adore the man and miss my friends.

Cleaning up stories. The new ones are there at the brimming of my pen. Reading Historical Geology and already delving into astronomy, I guess the history begins somewhere and time. Stars dragging stars off kilter and generating planets. Is that what happened to me and now the other is plowing on, going the lonesome orbit off to find a new star... and me to watch the slow solidification...

Self- mea culpa

Doing background work on several articles, but didn't finish, tomorrow will do.

Focus required-- GRE

Working through the GRE tests, repeatedly. It helps by reducing the time it takes to set up and analyze a problem and by reminding me of the exactness of vocabulary tests. My math is atrocious simply because I'm slow and make dumb mistakes. Practice makes perfect. My essays will probably be weakest since they will be the last worked but I have started to go through the topic categories. I'll get a few articles out and promoted but this is like a mini-haha-vacation from reality. Amazing how $140 = 70 $2 articles focuses the mind on don't waste this. Lol.

Working through GRE Tests, Folk Life Festival, Seattle

I'm working through the GRE Tests, after several hours my mind blanked. I guess Friday has become my day of rest. Tomorrow, I'm off to the Pacific Northwest Ballet and then to a benefit dinner for the Folk Life Festival with friends. This is our first time for such an event so it should be interesting. The Folk Life Festival is a non-profit volunteer run event that takes place Memorial Day weekend every year at the Seattle Center and features folk music, dancing, and fine food from around the world. It's usually a mob scene where everyone has fun.

Timing

Life has been so helpful providing me with wonderful opportunities, this is so nice but every time it happens it is always at the cost of what I'm doing. I go away for a week to Florida because I have aging inlaws who care enough to pay for us to show up, the opportunity arises to write about oceans and evolution. I need to study for a test, the opportunity arises to write about Seattle and golf and power.  Always this balance act by fate that I get judged by. I am incredibly rebellious about following opportunity when it leads no where. Without coordination, I will be gone. 

I had a friend who I met when he wrote me and said I'd like to help you. So I talked with him and became his friend. I did everything in the world to try to keep that friendship as a friendship -- it was like going to a huge banquet where the king offers jewels, offers land, offers power, offers all in exchange for something I couldn't give. And offered up everything but to be a friend. People that think like you, share the same goals, meeting such are one of the most precious commodities in life. They become your true friend, if they can give up their desire for jewels, land, power, and things that you can't give and things that they take by force and that they don't have a right to touch. I see my old friend as this giant baby with a silver spoon in his mouth and an ego as large as the universe and the only thing in he liked about me was that I was the only person who said no and made it stick. One day he might even value such enough to try to be a friend instead of king to the unconquered.

More wrestling

Got blaze written for 500+ words, have to figure out how to post to Nanorimo. Did 20 pages of one manuscript's edits. Flustered on through two stories. Working the outline, where the characters are going and the them.

Then continued on, flailing about. Found quite a few new travel sites, found out some techniques I hoped to use wouldn't work. Got the CNAME stuff working on my blogs, I think. Kept running into missing books and books in my face to reorganized stuff. Then finally got down to the bottom line, studying for the GRE. My first attempt wasn't too bad, at least on the verbal. The math, I need to remember formulas and then try some techniques, I spend too much time on many of the easier items but then discovered how to do them again. My eyes are bleery and my dictionary calling.

Things that didn't work but still 733 words

Went looking for Palm Springs and Death Valley photos and ended up reorganizing the mess so I could not have to go through it all each time. Then decided to put away the lingerie purchased and had to clean out the drawer--this has been needed for several years and finally the crack --when I got my hair done. Then Bob's computer with the scanner was so messed up I had to delete drivers and reboot and it wouldn't but finally, got what I needed. Then Bob called and I'm promised kisses when he returns. Then I managed to get out my article and another 733 words and think through some of the outlines issues, what could be where. I saw the blaze, still have to write that one. Problem with too many stories being in first person is it makes it hard to connect them. I may still change the rules, will see. Still have two articles that I wrote yesterday and promoting to be done. Bob is already inclined to move to Texas, we'll see after 3 months. Will sign up for National Novel Writing month, and actually log stuff. Didn't hit the math books at all, tomorrow for sure. Lots of edits to do.